I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
