Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The Olympian is in my bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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