Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I want is dick and wine.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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