There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
