Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
