Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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