Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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