Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
