Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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