So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
