What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
