I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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