My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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