I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Girls should come with a carfax report
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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