He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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