i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
