I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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