There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
