He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
