3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
