I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
