did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
