Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
