girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
