Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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