I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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