Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
