I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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