I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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