I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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