so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
