Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
