I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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