Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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