How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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