you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
