Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
