im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
