dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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