Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
