Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
