I'm so fucking centered right now
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
