why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
