Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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