Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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