love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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