Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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