We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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