Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
