Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
